End of another year

I just read a crafting blog post. The lady summed up what she had done this year. So I got to thinking what I had done.

Not much. Really.

I read 52 romance novels this year. (And if I can read ten pages before midnight that will be 53!! Yay, I can count!)
Made a few pair of earrings for my mother.
Sewed one Gonk named Robert.
Sewed one plush owl for my aunt. She loved it.
Sewed one plush gingerbread boy for my aunt's grandson. He loved it.
Sewed one plush bear for my aunt's other grandson because I didn't want him to feel left out. Don't know if he liked it.
Sent off two bone polymer clay bracelets to my cousin. She thanked me.
Watched my father slowly succumb to lung cancer. Although I don't know if 'slowly' is the right word. From the beginning of April to the end of June. Is that slow or fast?
Attempted to sell on Etsy again. I'm a failure.
Prayed very hard that we sell this house so we can move someplace where job prospects for me are better. (Miami, it turns out, is the worst place in the country for available jobs. But I've KNOWN that for a long time now.)

And that's about it. My year in a nutshell.
I hate my life.
If I had a choice of reliving 2011 over again or dying... I'd rather die. Well... January through March wasn't too bad. It was just that stretch from April to December that's been pure hell for me.

It's Christmastime...

... and my house is NOT festive at all. AT ALL!!!

Mom still has her Fall/Thanksgiving decorations out. Decorations that consist of plastic pumpkins in varying sizes, black cats that cackle, and a scarecrow that's not scary at all.

It needs to go. Pronto!

So yesterday I said we should get the tree out.

But see... things are never as easy as... "Hey, let's get the tree out." "Sure, sounds good." And out comes the tree and it sets itself up, somehow magically. Yeah, this ain't Harry Potter. This is real life. This is MY LIFE and it's HELL!!!

After some fuss, we got the tree out. Out of the room it was stored in. Out of the box. And that's as far as it got. No base.

NO BASE!!

NO FREAKING BASE!!!

Grrrr!!

We can't just use the funny three-legged base we have. No. OH NO!! THAT would be too difficult.

The tree came with a weighted plastic base. Which we cannot find!! We looked in all the Christmas boxes in the storage room. Not there. Plenty of other crap. No base.

By the time we had looked through everything, we were starving and fit to be tied. I just wanted a nap! But I had to cook. So I cooked. Dinner turned out well. Mom actually ate the meat!

Dreaming

I think perhaps... maybe just maybe I watch too  much television.

The other night I had a weird dream. I went to lunch with friends (no clue who these people were supposed to be, actually). Lunch was in a far off place. We drove and drove (carpooled, don't ya know). Down a deserted road, nothing there, then a restaurant. So we ate. Then we got back into the car. By the time we hit the road again just about everyone had to go potty badly. BADLY!! There were cramps and moans. One person threatened to jump out of the car. I think Leela from Futurama was one of the characters in the dream, and Jack from Lost.

DON'T JUDGE ME!!! It was a dream!

So we find this 'city'... complex... whatever. Oddly it was the same route we had taken to get to lunch and we had not passed this place... funny how places just pop up in dreams. So we parked on top of a parking garage. Did I mention the whole city place was white? No color. Not one speck of paint anywhere.

So we're all split up looking for a way off the parking garage and a g-damned restroom. Why we couldn't have walked down the ramp we drove up, I do not know. And then a bomb happened. Up in the sky, plain as day. One of those old timey missiles with the propeller thing on the back. So it hits the parking garage which turns out not to be a parking garage at all. So now we can climb down the hole... into this room full of junk. And there was a cage with a thing in it.

Thing is the only word I can use... it looked like a monkey mouse. Jabba the Hutt's companion. That creepy little guy. Him. But he was a zombie!! What? Yeah, a zombie. So, my dream turned into a zombie movie/show!

We got out of the room and were questioned. But we were just relieved to see people. Apparently we forgot we needed to use the restroom. And apparently we knew the world turned to zombies while we were at lunch.

I'm never sleeping again!!

And so...

Don't ask me how, but I totally forgot The Walking Dead was on last night. ??? Eh? I guess with that stupid Amazing Race and Once Upon A Time, I got distracted. Oh, and I finally finished my pompom Christmas wreath. I feel so accomplished and so brainless at the same damn time!! grrr-- arrrrrg!!

Also Hell on Wheels. Helen Wheels? No, Hell on Wheels. It was pretty good, but that main guy needs to stop mumbling. Were you in Meridian, Mississippi?? Why.. no, no I wasn't. Why do you ask? o_O

And they KILLED OFF CAPTAIN STOTTLEMEYER!!! He could have been a great protagonist... well, he was doing a great job. Why kill him?? WHY??!!! I'd have watched just for him... he might have been the only one to watch it for. I have no idea who the main guy is!!

I got to see all the missing shows On Demand, so there is that. And boy I need some sort of... system. A system or someplace to write down tv schedules and when things come on, etc. Something... Can't remember what it's called. Hmmm...

Eh, I'll stick it all up on a Sticky Post it thing, right in the middle of my desktop... on Robert's forehead. ;)

And I wonder if the Major knew that surveyor that died. Hmmm...

And the days go by...

I don't think the water will hold me up...
What??

Oh. I have a splitting headache that I fear might be orthodontically influenced. But I don't know. I can't chew on the left side of my mouth. But I also get pain when I'm not eating or even moving my jaw at all. Weird!! Pain killers don't work. I can touch my tongue to my teeth without a problem. So... I'm just generally confused. I don't want to go to the dentist. Dentists cost money. I have no money. Seriously. None.

I almost felt accomplished the other day.
The deadbolt on the front door broke. Don't know how. Perhaps I don't know my own strength? I was mad at this woman that keeps coming around begging for stuff. The other night (when the deadbolt died) she wanted 'a glass of ice cold water'. Now, not just 'please, can I have some water?'. No. It was demanding 'a glass of ice cold water'. Now this lady had been by before. I think this might be her fourth time around. Last week she wanted some money to buy some rice and beans. Well... mom GAVE her a 1 pound bag of rice and a can of beans. But she still wanted money, not the food. Makes me wonder...

Anyway... she'd been by before that and mom gave her money. And I think this bitch was here a year or two ago. Again wanting water. She'd just got out of the hospital and boohoo she's diabetic and needed water. So I gave her a glass. She holds it up and looks at it, sees the tiny bubbles and questions me about it. I should have taken it back and told her to go screw herself. Then she asked for a cigarette. She saw my dad's ashtray outside... tried to beg one off me. I told her I don't smoke... she didn't believe me and stomped off indignantly. Whatever. Good riddance...

So she came back begging for ice cold water... I shoved a little bottle of Zephyr Hills at her. She whined that it wasn't cold. I said nothing and closed the door. She bitched all the way out to the street... and the deadbolt broke...

We installed a new one... okay... I installed a new one with a little help from mom... it wasn't too hard, but damnit, mom doesn't take direction very well.... HOLD THE DOOR STILL!!!!

Why?

Why do I procrastinate so much? I need to get my bedroom in order. I need to dust. I need to pack things away. If I'm eager to move, why isn't everything in boxes?

I have  ton of crafting stuff I hardly ever use. I could box that up and shove it into my closet. I have other things I use often and they need to be pulled out of their boxes.

I just don't understand myself. I'd rather fight with things than get things done.

But I did clean off some of my old Beanie Babies and get them into a box today.

So... yeah.... There is that...

Oh! Look! It's a Knepper!! Baby Robert!

A product review... sort of?

Okay, let me say I'm not getting paid for this review, and Yoplait had better be GLAD they didn't pay me because this isn't gonna be good for them...

So recently I went to the grocery store and thought I would try some random brand of Greek yogurt that EVERY yogurt maker has now. It's gotten so bad that two new brands have popped up. Oinkos and something else... chabata or chiamini or something, I can't remember.

Anyway, I thought I would try the Yoplait because it was cheaper than the others and I do like the taste of Yoplait, in general.
The store only had blueberry and honey vanilla. Well... I like blueberry yogurt. Yum! And I figured... Honey is a good flavor, so is vanilla. You can't go wrong with vanilla, right?

WRONG!! OH SO WRONG!!!

I tried the honey vanilla first. It was disgusting! It was like eating a dirty gym sock soaked in buttermilk and dipped in rotten egg.

This stuff was so vile I almost puked. I had the nasty aftertaste in my mouth even after I had brushed my teeth and tongue. Vile!

I would rather have eaten liver.

I hate liver.

And lima beans.

I like liver better than lima beans.

I like them both better than this honey vanilla greek puke.

So tonight... er this morning I thought I would go for the blueberry. I thought maybe the gross out taste of the honey vanilla was because I'd never had honey flavored yogurt before.

Oh how wrong I was!!!

There was an okay blueberry taste to this. However... the gross Greekiness of the previous flavor was still there! So I can't blame the honey flavor. It's completely the yogurt.

I only had three bites of this before I couldn't swallow anymore. It was just too vile. I still have the aftertaste in my mouth. I'm still scarred!!

Now, let me also say this...

I do like yogurt.

In fact, I love yogurt. Fruit on the bottom. Fruit not on the bottom. Put some nuts in it. Or cereal. Or eat it plain.

When I was a kid, the cherry was always my favorite. Kids don't generally eat yogurt! But I did! This was before that gogurt squeezy stuff and the Trix put spinkles on it, this was 70's plain, eat it because I said so and I'm your mother! Yogurt. So I am not biased against all yogurt. Just this... ancient Greek fermented semen and buttermilk combo.

Yoplait... I still love you... Just not your Greek. Please fire him, immediately!!

K. Thanks. Bai!!


Jen <3

Well then...

So Mom has made the final payment on the car. It is hers, finally.

I've pointed my finger up at the sky and glared at God...
I've pointed my finger down at Satan...
I've pointed my finger at Jinx and Loki...
All those mischief makers are on notice. I've told them ALL I know their tricks.


(I'm not implying God is a mischief maker... however he does allow a lot of crap to happen to mom and me. And frankly, I'm tired of it.)(We've prayed long and hard about stuff, and so far so good.) (I had to add that in case God thinks I'm an ungrateful brat.) (Not that God is reading my blog.)

We need to sell the house! We need to clean the place up! We need to do the bankruptcy thing because dad credit carded us into way too much debt. Anybody wanna buy a dvd??

I'm in under the gun, so it's okay. Late for cake, but okay.
Today is Robert Knepper's bday! So I made a cake... My mother eated it, apparently...
Cake. It's a Funfetti cake. It was a half batch in a tiny box for a dollar at Kmart! Dollar cake, sorry Mr. Knepper... It really wasn't intended to be a birthday cake, but it was there... 

Here's the frosting. Looks like crap, but tastes good. The dark part underneath is the mixed butter, sugar and vanilla. The white stuff on top is more confectioner's sugar. I had to darken the photo a little so you could see what's in the bowl.

Okay, here it is. I didn't want to take it out of the pan. We don't have any square plates, so this is a white trash birthday, I reckon. Also... no candles.

Here is the birthday boy in 'gonk' form. If you don't know what a gonk is, I suggest you visit wikipedia and give it a look. No, a gonk is not a Star Wars robot, not in this case. These gonks are much cuter... ;) Oh, see who is peeking over Robert's shoulder? Even my mom got that one. She laughed.

Ah, here's the birthday boy with his cake. I think he was going for the frosting!

Here he is with the first bite of cake. He looks a little stunned. Perhaps because it's so good? 

And here is the cake thief, thieving the cake.

I also made brownies and mom was moaning by the time she'd had two bites of cake.

Also... Robert was dressed as T-Bag for the evening's festivities. You can't see his blue pants. Also... barefooted. :p

Someday I will have a full body shot of wee Robert so you can see his whole cuteness. (I do realize it doesn't look a whole lot like the real person. It's a doll for cryin' out loud. Gonks aren't supposed to be the most detailed, that's why they're so charming. :p)

Well...

Well, I got nothing. I guess a rousing round of 'Happy 4th of July' or 'Happy Independence day America'. But I'm just not into it. We didn't do anything this year. Usually we get out the little grill and Dad does the charcoal. But this year Dad just wasn't around to do that for us. First holiday without him. It's just waaaay too fresh.

Mango, mango, mango.... squirrel, mango, mango... 'possum, mango, mango... anole

Mangoes, pretty, aren't they?
Well, yes, they are, actually. They taste good too.
Pictures can be deceiving however. No one tells you that when you cut into one, the juices will dribble all over your hands, arms, clothes. You'll reek of mango juice for days, even after a thorough shower. You'll have mango sap under your finger nails and between your fingers. Mango strings between your teeth that no amount of flossing will get out.

And the smell. OH MY GOD, the smell! Not just the ripe smell, but the rotting smell. If you toss the rotting ones away, you have to do this very far from your house. No use throwing them into your neighbor's yard, you'll still smell them. For two months we have this-- this torture! It's almost over.

We also have people coming in and asking for them. Ripe, green, they don't care. It never fails, every mango season they come and we turn them away at first. But now... now I feel like standing on the sidewalk in front of the house and lobbing them into the open windows of cars passing by. That's how much I want to be rid of these. It's like a friggen Easter Egg hunt every day! Oh, and half of them aren't even edible because the squirrels, opossums, and that damn Cuban Anole (asshole) that lives in the tree.

Well, anywhoooo... One of these days I'll actually have pictures of my own to share. I have a project just finished that's good for a chuckle, or guffaw. Whatever.

Twitter

What is it?
No, seriously. I've tried it before. About two years ago. Didn't like it. I mean... what do I have to tweet about?

dad driving me nuts again
Ate lunch.
got the poops
back to the bathroom, oops. (that wasn't supposed to rhyme!!)
Playing mahjong
playing solitaire
I'm bored, back to mahjong
Dinnertime!!
Nap! nap nap nap!! ;)
Nothing on tv!! I'm bored! mahjong!
Sudoku anyone??
I want to craft! No craft! No sun! Booo hisssss
Geee, Robert Knepper is teh sexay!
I need to sew!! Too lazy to pull out sewing machine. Maybe tomorrow....

Yeah... that'll interest EVERYONE!! Psssshhhhhh!!!

Bad Blogger

So I've been remiss in posting. I'm afraid I do that a whole lot. I guess I don't think things are important enough for everyone to read. But yet I've read some pretty silly blogs about nothing.

So hey, I'll post some pretty pictures here. I want this:

That's a Friesian. They come from the Netherlands. Soooo pretty!!!
I also want one of these:

It's a Gypsy Vanner Horse, or Gypsy Cob. Created to pull gypsy caravans in England. I don't think American type Gypsies or Travelers use them, nor do Carny Barkers.

Oddly enough, when I was a little girl I had no desires to own a horse or pony. My cousins said they were getting one for their birthday (it didn't happen) and I was like... "Why?" But now I want a horse, some sheep and goats, maybe a cow and bull, some ducks and swans and... oh... I'd like a farm and some people to tend it because I don't like manual labor too much. I guess if there were things to do, I'd do them, but I wouldn't be thrilled about it. :p

Also... I want this:

I love the way he leans. <3 <3 Now THAT'S a carnival barker, right there! I wonder if he owns a Gypsy Vanner....

Giving the finger to my camera

I hate digital cameras. Or I hate the one I own, anyway. This is my second camera, the first one, a Canon, died last year. I've had this Olympus for a few months now and I still can't figure it out. 

I took a picture of the sunset the other evening and it came out completely black with just a hint of pink sunset. IT WASN'T EVEN DARK OUTSIDE YET!! Grrr, augh! The stupid screen shows what I see, but the camera takes a completely different picture. I've tried everything I can think to do. Auto is no help, Auto has caused these problems. 

Oh, I just hate it so much.

I've got way too much camera hate right now.

I took pictures of a pair of green earrings that I made my mother. I thought I would expand "Jen's Life" a little and show my damnably cursed crafty side, but apparently the curse has spread to picture taking too.  *weeps uncontrollably*

Weekend news

Went shopping on Saturday. Wow, the traffic! It was like 7am on Monday morning instead of 11am Saturday! There had been a couple of accidents on the interstate, so traffic was being rerouted to another road. That rerouting disrupted lanes going both north and south! How is that even possible? HOW?? It took twice as long to get where we were going and twice as long to get back home again.

Sometimes traffic makes me so mad I vow never to leave the house again. One of these days I'll do it. I swear I will.

What I want

For my birthday, that is. (Did I mention I was totally going to do this before Christmas and I didn't get around to it? Procrastination station!)

First of all, I want this: (I nicked that image from somewhere)

Glass of milk LED light found here

It really doesn't cost much, someone buy it for me. Yes? No... *pout*

I want romance novels aplenty and a Mini Cooper, one of the newer biggish ones. I also want a game or two for my Nintendo DSi, a find the object one (those are hard to find at Target. I guess they want the shopping for them to be like the game. I'll take a huge marker with me and circle it in the store.)

I also want these:

First one is Sean Bean *drool* and the second one is a guy I found on these here interwebs. (He's probably gay or something. *sigh*)

Hmmm, I think that's all I want for my birthday. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. ;)

Fresh out of the box

Does it have that new blog smell? All I can smell is rain and something else. Smells like the neighbors cooked something rotten and put hot ketchup on it. Yum. <3

Anywho... this blog will be about my life, mostly. I hope not to torture anyone about whatever aches and pains, strokes, heart attacks, oh the misery, etc. Because that's boring as hell, yo. I might be boring but I'm not that conceited to think people would actually want to moan with me.

So whatevs....

Hey! I've been wanting to put up a blog for a while. My birthday is coming up on Friday and I figured I'd do it now and just get it overwith and such. Yes? yes.

So now... how do I get followers?